Formal Introduction

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Dear Brad,

I am formally writing a letter to you to introduce myself as a student in your effective communication class. I am currently an undergraduate studying civil engineering in SIT. I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic with a diploma of environmental management and water technology in 2015.

My decision to study in civil engineering came from both my family and hobbies. My father and brother are both in the engineering field. Understanding that an engineer needs to have the flexibility to solve various complex problems in the field, I got inspired and decided to partake in engineering. Moreover, my interest in radio-controlled car racing engages my mind to think and get my hands down and dirty to improve the technical aspect of the car.

In terms of communication, Polytechnic and Army have groomed me to improve my form of communication through group projects and work. One of my strengths is to deliver messages across with the help of some visualization through drawings and examples that are more relatable. Through national service, I was given the opportunity to be in charge of detailing where I had to liaise with multiple organisations to ensure lesser hiccups like clashes of schedules in my company.  My weakness is presenting in front of a crowd or group. Even though group projects have helped me build my confidence, anxiety would still make my mind go blank occasionally. I am confident that in time to come, this course will help in me overcome my weakness.

I look forward in revisiting and brushing up my technical knowledge in English to prepare me for the next phase in life. I sincerely hope that this self-introduction would be adequate and I look forward in attending and participating in your classes.


Regards,
Glen

Revised:22/1/2018

 Commented on Jean, Serena and Umar.

Comments

  1. Brad Blackstone14 January 2018 at 18:49

    Dear Glen,

    Thank you for this self-intro. I appreciate learning about your background, your interests and the family connection to engineering.

    Overall, your language use is very good. There are only a few minor issues:

    1) subject-verb disagreement:
    -- Polytechnic and Army has groomed me.... >>>
    -- Even though group projects has helped me... >>>

    2) phrasing
    -- I am confident that this course will help in my knowledge in writing skills to be able to help with my weakness in time to come. >>> (too much use of 'help')
    -- Through national service, i was given the opportunity to be in charge of detailing where i had to give liaise with multiple organisations to ensure smooth sailing of the company. >>> (vague meaning)

    3) use of 'would'
    -- My weakness would be presenting... >>> My weakness is presenting....

    These are minor issues that can be polished with attention.

    I look forward to reading more of your work.

    Best wishes,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown17 January 2018 at 06:47

    Hi Glen
    Overall, I feel that the language used is pretty good and easy to understand.
    I could suggest this part for phasing “I am confident that this course will help in my knowledge in writing skills to be able to help with my weakness in time to come.”. You could say: “I am confident that in time to come, this course will help me overcome my weakness such as writing skills.”
    Another part of phasing I would suggest will be “…., I got inspired and decided to partake in engineering.”. I feel by shortening it will make it smoother and impactful like: “…, which inspired me to partake in engineering”.
    Hope my suggestions helps in one way or another.
    Your classmate,
    Colin

    ReplyDelete
  3. Neo Shih Chieh24 January 2018 at 08:43

    Hi Glen

    Your introduction is fluent and clear. Good work.

    However, you can do better with explaining 2 specific goals you have for this module.

    Let's turn our weaknesses into strengths.

    Regards
    Shih Chieh

    ReplyDelete

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